Pete

Love

Fri, 25 Jan 2008 05:24:14 GMT

I just wrote a couple notes, one to my aunt, and one to anyone who'll listen. This is my tribute to my aunt who passed away four months ago. Enjoy, and may you learn of her love and carry her love in your heart and pass it on to all you meet.

Dear Auntie Dina,

You were so special to me. I still remember the times when we would visit, and I would walk in, and your arms would instantly envelop me. I still feel those arms, that embrace. It is so hard sometimes now that you are gone, I just miss you so much. You were such a big part of my life and who I am, but I didn't even realize it till it was almost too late. I think about you all the time, and though it gets me down sometimes, it is your strength that helps to pick me up and help me carry on for I know that is what you are telling me to do all the time. Though you may be a million miles away, you still find a way to embrace me and love me all the days of my life.

Thank you so much for the time I got to spend with you. I found that I could never find myself downtrodden or sad when you were around, even as I sat by your bedside and held your hand those last few days. It was hard, but at the same time, I could not physically be sad. Your life, your energy, your strength, your love, your compassion, YOU carried on to the very last day that you were with us. Though you are gone, you are not gone (as weird as that may sound), it is the truth. Your spirit lives on and brings me ever close to you every moment of my life.

Love always,
Peter

To the rest of you reading this,
If you had ever met my aunt, you would know truth, beauty, and love instantaneously. You would enter into her presence, and you would know that you were loved. Who cares if it was the first, second, third, or last time meeting/seeing her, you would know you were loved. I felt that way every time I was around her, and I still feel that way from time to time because I know that she is with me, I know that though as a person she is gone, as a child of God, she is with me even more than she ever was while a person here on Earth. She was a true ray of sunlight rising above the horizon every single day.

I'm now a college student, and I had to leave classes and miss almost a week of school, but that week was the single best, most profound week I have had in my entire life. I got down to Florida from New Hampshire on a Wednesday night, and I stayed from Wednesday night with my aunt all the way through that final breath with the exception of an hour excursion to the beach. I spent time with her, both with family around, and by myself, and no matter who was in her room, I just had to smile because I knew I was loved. My eyes were opened to many things that week. 1)Love as I had never known it......true love that only God can bring. 2)Death.......I learned how to see death not as a dead end, but as a beginning of new life. 3)Grief........I had never yet dealt with death so intimately. I could keep going on for hours, but I do not care to bore you.

Looking back, I now remember, that I did not shed one tear until after she was gone (then it was a non-stop river at times, as it is tonight) but I know that I could not have cried then, because with every breath, she inhaled all the hatred and tension in the air, and her beautiful heart exhaled pure love like no other.

I still remember walking into my mom's office when I found out that she had come down with cancer, and one of the things my mom told me was the meaning of her name, Nadejda, my mom told me that it means hope. So every time I say that name, it is a prayer, a prayer of hope that all may feel the love that she gave to all of us.

Though I miss her dearly, I know that she lives on, and we will one day meet again in the kingdom of heaven, for I know that is where she is now.

Yours in love,
Pete

Happy 30th Birthday to Stratford EMS

Thu, 13 Dec 2007 05:32:48 GMT

check it out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6a3Y1WkPEt8

Sat, 08 Dec 2007 00:19:40 GMT

Love. More than just a feeling.

I have been doing a lot of thinking and praying recently. Just yesterday, I was sitting in the peace and quiet of the church when this came to me. Hope you enjoy. This is straight from my brain, unedited, and raw so it is not censored, and may not be completely organized. Let me know what you think.

Love. I was recently told by an ex-girlfriend, that she lost all her feelings for me. And this troubled me. How does one lose all feeling for someone within one short week. And then I was thinking about it, and when you say I Love You, it doesn’t just implicate that you have strong feelings for someone. There is something much deeper when you say those three magic words. There is the simple feeling and emotion involved, but just analyze that sentence for one minute with grammar school grammar. I Love You. “I” is the subject. “Love” is the verb. “You” is the predicate. This short little sentence implies that love is an action. When you really love someone, yes you have a strong feelings for that person, but when you say that sentence, it is more than just a statement of feeling. It is in a way a vow. A vow that you will Love that person, that you will show them the affection and respect that they deserve as your significant other. No matter what you think, you can always continue to love someone as long as you live if you have the desire to. Yes, the simple ‘puppy-dog love’ may fade, but once that simple affection and feeling disappears, there is a more beautiful love there. Yes, Love can also be a noun. But once you get to the deep point in a relationship, you can weather anything. You could fight every day, but still love each other. You may not be completely happy, but if you want to, you can love that person with all your heart. In a way, fights can be seen as a test, if you really love a person, a fight is a minor setback, but you can move on, and I have always tried to move on past fights. Unfortunately, that love has not always been reciprocated. And I always blamed myself for it, and I have always wanted the love to continue, but now I realize it was for the better. If you are the only one putting effort into loving the other, then you will only get hurt in the end, and that has happened so many times. It does not matter what you go through, if you really want a relationship to continue, it will. If you really want to love someone, you can. Love is more than just a feeling. It is interesting looking at this whole concept in the light of my past relationships. I will start with my second girlfriend. We got to a point where the feeling was no longer there because it had shifted to someone else, but once this happened, I realized that I really did love the person. Maybe not to the fullest extent possible, and luckily I was granted a second chance, and that was probably one of the healthiest relationships I have had to date. Unfortunately, this person also ‘lost all feeling’ for me. But they just lost all love for me in the relationship, because as friends, she is still one of my closest friends. I know that she is always there. So even though it wasn’t the right time or place for a relationship, I definitely know that there really was a strong love straight from God in that relationship because the friendship has continued on to this day. No matter how long we don’t talk for, we still talk and catch up from time to time, and I know if I ever have any problems with anything I can still turn to her, and it will be just as it always has been. My most relationship is a whole different story. It started out as a good friendship, then I realized that I had feelings for her, so I pursued them, and luckily they worked out for a good while. I fell in love, and I fell hard. Without even expecting it to happen, it happened. It was such a happy time for me this year, but unfortunately, it does not appear that the love was completely mutual. A little after I began to say those three magic words, she began to say them in return, and I believe she meant them. When I got back from Thanksgiving break, she turned to me and told me that she couldn’t see me anymore. I am still trying to figure out what happened there, and I was so frustrated because I was really in love with this person in that I both had that feeling, but I also put the effort into loving this individual. She stated that she didn’t have feelings for me anymore. She also stated that I pushed her away. I know what took place, I got frustrated sometimes when we couldn’t see each other or talk on the phone, and sort of took it out on her. I’m not trying to say that I didn’t push her away because I am not perfect. But at the same time, she let herself get pushed away. If she really put the effort into loving me, then she would not have been pushed away. If you really love someone, then you don’t just have strong feelings for them, but you also must put effort into loving them, or the relationship simply will not last. And both people need to put that effort into the relationship because otherwise, someone will just end up getting hurt in the long run.

Fri, 07 Dec 2007 21:42:19 GMT

So I thought this would be hard, but it really isn't...

It's better off this way...

My ex's away message while i'm sitting in the same room about ten feet away......am I supposed to take a hint?
It was changed to this after she noticed I was here.....hmm.

Mon, 29 Oct 2007 15:43:51 GMT

OK. so last night was definitely one of the more interesting nights on campus so far. I enjoyed watching the game, it was a very good game. I really prefer to watch games like these as opposed to the 13-1 win because that is the true nature of the sport. Yes it is the world series, but you know what, it is just another baseball game. In the grand scheme of things, it is jsut a sports game. I really enjoyed watching the game, the tension, the excitement, the true enjoyment of the sport for what it is. Both teams put up a good fight, it just happened to favor the Red Sox on this occasion. It began to get ridiculous once the game ended.
I am on the Rescue Team, but due to certain circumstances I can't actually work at this point, but I do have a pager. So I decided this would be a fun night to keep it on. Not two minutes after the game ended, a tone went out for the fire department to respond to St. A's for the fire alarm. At that point, I headed out of my girlfriend's apartment with some of our friends and over to the quad. I see just a huge mob on the quad. No sooner do I get there then the mob moves over to the practice football field. O yay, let us celebrate this win by tearing down a goalpost on the football field. In addition to that they were setting off fireworks.....now lets see how much sense this makes, lets set off fireworks in the middle of a huge crowd where someone can easily get very seriously hurt. I mean, the audacity of some people never ceases to amaze me. As the crowd continued to just get bigger and bigger, we decided a safer place would be to head back to the apartment.....so that is what we did. Once back there the fire department had two additional runs to St. A's.....one for a couch that was on fire outside the townhouses....the police put it out with a fire extinguisher, so what do the idiot students do, o, lets just set it back on fire. When the fire department was on the way, they were told to slow down because the fire was out, but to keep it coming because there was still a bonfire going. So they had to put that out, and they decided it was best to just douse the couch to get the point across that furniture is for sitting not burning. In addition to all of this they decided to knock over two huge flower pots in front of Alumni hall, and flip over the stone benches in front of the science building. Now this is only our small campus isolated from Boston, and this is what is happening......I can only imagine what other campuses were like last night.....I mean seriously people, what does it accomplish........
From the beginning of the year, my friends and everyone have known that I'm a Yankees fan, and they always comment on how they will most certainly convert me.......Highly unlikely. You try to convert me to a Red Sox fan my destroying half our campus (a slight exxageration, but still).....I mean, lets get real people.......are you proud to be a Red Sox fan, cause if I had been one last night, I would be ASHAMED of myself.....it is absolutely ridiculous. I was thinking about converting, but now, I think it is a very small possibility. I'm a Yankees fan and proud of it. I'm not a fan of the destruction of property......o, and did I mention that this was nothing compared to four years ago. Lets get real people.

Can we be a fan of the sport, not a team because that is what matters. I mean, it is only a game.

Wed, 10 Oct 2007 06:16:39 GMT

Wow.........I am the happiest man alive right now.

Fri, 21 Sep 2007 17:41:20 GMT

TOD 9/21/2007, 0349

Such an amazing way to go. For most of yesterday, she was in the phase of death called 'actively dying'. Her body was ready to go at any time, and it went when she wanted it to. Everyone had left by midnight except for my aunt, uncle, me, and my cousin's stepson. I was outside on the computer talking to a friend until about 2:30 at which point I decided to go to sleep. I had wanted to leave her alone with my uncle in case she decided that was when it was right. As I walked into the room around 2:45, my uncle was fast asleep on the chair in the room. I heard her agonal breaths. She was still breathing and was still there. I believe I went over, touched her, and said goodnight. I went over to the air mattress that my cousin had brought up and I had put in the corner of the room, crawled under the covers, sent one text message, and laid my head down to sleep. I fell asleep and around 3:50 I was woken up by the nurse. It was over as of 3:49. I find it amazing that she waited till I was in her presence. That means so much to me. She waited till everybody was gone except for the three of us. I had been the only one who was there for just about 30 straight hours, and I'm glad I did it. People kept on telling me how strong I was and how much they appreciated me doing it, but what they don't realize is that it wasn't my choice. God made me do it. God wanted me there, and I am thankful. She is in a better place now, and now I need a system reboot and some R&R before getting back into the swing of things on Monday night with choir rehersal and rescue team shift.

Please continue to pray for all of us. And this time, pray to my aunt, she is now there for all of us. She is now eternally present within each and every one of us, I never have to miss her again.

Thu, 20 Sep 2007 19:38:17 GMT

Its almost time.........just a little bit longer........

Wed, 12 Sep 2007 16:32:17 GMT

so yesterday definetely pissed me off. I mean, yeah, 9/11 was 6 years ago, but thats not the point. How do you just forget about an event like it seems we have on campus. Leave me a reply and let me know what you guys did back home, but seriously, no mention of it at mass, the flag wasn't lowered to half staff, no moment of silence, no prayer service. NOTHING. What the hell is wrong with this picture. The moment we begin to forget that it happened and let all the prayers and memories fade away, we will open ourselves up to it happening all over again. Time to go talk to the president about it.

Thu, 06 Sep 2007 13:58:34 GMT

if she only understood......

Thu, 06 Sep 2007 04:36:22 GMT

Without you, the ground thaws
the rain falls
the grass grows

Without you, the seeds root
the flowers bloom
the children play

The stars gleam
the poets dream
the eagles fly
without you

The Earth turns
the sun burns
but I die, without you

Without you, the breeze warms
the girl smiles
the cloud moves

Without you, the tides change
the boys run
the oceans crash

The crowds roar
the days soar
the babies cry
without you

The moon glows
the river flows
but I die without you

The world revives
colors renew
but I know blue
only blue
lonely blue
willingly blue
Without you

Without you, the hand gropes
the ear hears
the pulse beats

Without you, the eyes gaze
the legs walk
the lungs breathe

The mind churns
the heart yearns
the tears dry without you

Life goes on
but I'm gone
'cause I die, without you
without you
without you
without you.....

Mon, 02 Jul 2007 13:08:30 GMT

Post anything that you want, and post it anonymously. Anything. A story, a secret, a confession, a fear, a love -- anything. Nobody will know who you are, so be sure to post anonymously and honestly. Post twice if you'd like. Then, put this in your LJ to see what your friends (and perhaps others who you don't even realize read your LJ) have to say.

Mon, 26 Feb 2007 06:28:45 GMT

OK, lets just say that ITaly is possibly the most beautiful place I've ever been. Such a great country. Had a lot of fun on my trip, even with the few minor problems. Anyways, I'm exhausted, so pray for no school.peace

Sun, 11 Feb 2007 06:47:34 GMT

OK, well, I can't give out details naturally due to the nature of this, but if you want to know ask.....this is just way too public. I may tell you, but at any rate, straight to the point. Calls like the one I did tonight make me love everything about what I do as an EMT.

Mon, 05 Feb 2007 05:02:00 GMT

well, lets put it this way, I'm no longer worried about my grades and my blood parents, its my other parents that I have to worry about. I seriously would not be surprised if I get bad grades this quarter, my teachers will be having conferences with at least 5 guys and I'm sure they'll get freaked, expecially those that have met my real parents.

Mon, 29 Jan 2007 12:51:20 GMT

This is sooooo perfect and explanatory of my current situation.

YOU KNOW YOU HAVE A BAD CASE OF (SECOND SEMESTER!!!) SENIORITIS WHEN...

... you check your facebook more than three times a day and don't start your homework till 10 pm...or 12 am...or don't even do it at all.

...you would fight for a cure for Senioritis...if you just weren't so lazy.

..."I'll do it before I graduate" becomes "I'll do it the night before I graduate".

...you actually find yourself doing a math problem to figure out how low of a grade you can get on your finals and still pass a class.

...you think to yourself "Why am I still here?" more than four times a day, quite possibly up to three times a period.

...you have just gotten into your top college and are sooo ready to celebrate it.

...you can tell someone the recap of every tv show on every channel from any given night of the week.

...you figure as long as you get a decent grade in your classes there's no sense in doing extra credit or work.

...you're often seen in the hallway with marks on your face from falling asleep on your desk. Again.

...you don't even waste energy arguing with the people you disagree with anymore since you're gonna be leaving soon anyway.

...you find yourself trying to talk all your teachers into blowing off class and watching a movie instead.

...you have memorized every poster, painting, and decoration in each of your classroom's walls.

...you think senior priviledges of sleeping in means sleeping in...the entire day.

...your schedule is so easy it's not even funny.

...you will make up any excuse to do anything slightly fun and off the wall just to make the day a little more interesting.

...you suddenly feel like boycotting, protesting on, and flat out bitching about every single rule and regulation at school.

...someone says to you,"It's Wednesday night, why are you out???" and you say "Because I'm a Senior, thats why!"

...you should be doing something else right now rather than reading about a facebook group.

All but one applies to me.

Tue, 23 Jan 2007 04:14:46 GMT

So, if I rejected from every other school, at least I'm in at one college with a 25%/year scholarship.

And I'm also exhausted, I've gotten about 1 hour of good sleep, and 3-4 hours of crappy sleep since yesterday morning, and I've physically exerted myself past the point of no return. I'm dead, but of course, would my parents eer consider letting me take one day off, or even one class (my best class at that) because of this, of course not.

Tue, 16 Jan 2007 04:29:56 GMT

OK, lets just put it this way. I was done with "it" for 6 months. Then all of a sudden, boom, twice within two days. Its so awesome, but so like not what I necessarily wanted or expected at this point in time.

Sun, 14 Jan 2007 05:15:24 GMT

ok, so last night and today were amazing up until the end of the regionals concert, and then it did a 180. Tonight sucked big time for multiple reasons which I shall not name here for different reasons, if you must know, just ask.

Sun, 07 Jan 2007 08:15:07 GMT

so I have officially worked over 400 hours at EMS since the end of July. That figures out to about 80 hours a month, 20 hours a week. Not bad. And I have worked more than that that just has not gotten clocked in, but its not worth chasing after petty hours especially when it makes no difference whatsoever.

Fri, 29 Dec 2006 02:18:25 GMT

1) Where did you ring in 2006? at home
2.) What was your status by Valentine's Day? single
3.) Were you in school (anytime this year)? yep
4.) How did you earn your keep? St. James and Sherwood Island
5.) Did you ever have to go to the hospital? yes, twice, both because of accidents, and actually over a hundred if you count all my EMS calls
6.) Have you ever encountered the police? yep, three times, and got off on all three, two because they weren't my fault, and the third because of professional courtesy
7.) Where did you go on vacation? no where
8.) What did you purchase that was over $500? car
9.) Did you know anybody who got married? nope
10.) Did you know anybody who passed away? hmmmmm, Bill, Joe, James, Donnie, Phil, Collin, and a few others
11.) Have you ran into anybody you graduated high school with? yeah.....wait.....i haven't graduated high school yet
12.) Did you move anywhere? nope
13.) What sporting events did you go to? one sound tigers game, and most of the Stratford football games
14.) What concerts did you go to? Trans-Siberian Orchestra, Rock the Sound, Jeremy Camp, my Christmas concert at Lincoln Center, my spring concert at Carnegie Hall
15.) Are you registered to vote? (under 18)
16.) If so, did you do your patriotic duty on Nov. 7? I sure as hell will next year
17.) Where do you live now? Connecticut
18.) Describe your birthday? same old same old, i actually had a concert on that day
19.) What's the one thing you thought you would never do but did in 2006? pass my EMT class, see someone die, save a life (actually a few of them), grew further away from the church
20.) What is one thing you regretted this year?: well, something, and not getting my EMT earlier
21.) What's something you learned about yourself? that I am really not an impenetrable shield, that my feelings really can get hurt, and that I have family and friends who are always there for me whether I want them to be or not
22.) Any new additions to your family? Jess, EMS
23.) What was your best month? July or August
24.) What from pop culture will you remember 2006? i don't pay that much attention to pop culture
25.) How would you rate this year with a scale from 1 to 10? 9.975

now this is just weird.

Tue, 26 Dec 2006 05:56:10 GMT

The most recognised symbol for the US, after the Stars & Stripes, is
the Eagle. The following verse is taken from the Quran, the Islamic holy
book:

"For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome Eagle.
The wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of Allah and
lo, while some of the people trembled in despair still more rejoiced:
for the wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah and there was
peace."

That verse is number 9.11 of the Quran.

Tue, 26 Dec 2006 02:24:19 GMT

Merry Christmas
Feliz Navidad,

and for a rare PC moment,
Happy Hannakah
Happy Kwanza
and
Happy Rammadan

Mon, 18 Dec 2006 01:39:23 GMT

Ok, let me just say this.

I am sick of everyone lecturing me on my accident and how I drive.

I know I probably could have avoided my accident, but live and learn.
I drive very safely, even moreso after my accident.
I know I drive fast, but I do it within reason. I don't tailgate, I don't cut people off. If I have to slow down to stay safe and not cut anyone off, I will.

I'm just sick of everyone lecturing me, so if this applies to you, don't take offense, just know that it is digging under my skin at this point.

Wed, 06 Dec 2006 02:12:41 GMT

How Much have YOU changed in 2 years?

How old were you?
Then: 15
Now: 17

Where did you live?
Then: Milford
Now: Milford/Stratford

Where did you hang out?
Then: home, St. James
Now: EMS, the movies, the roads of Stratford by bike

Who was your regular-person crush?
Then: Kayla
Now: any one of 4 girls

How many tattoos did you have?
Then: None
Now: none

How many piercings did you have?
Then: none
Now: none

What car did you drive?
Then: didn't even have my permit yet
Now: Shit-colored Honda Accord

What was your worst fear?
Then: failing school, not having friends
Now: losing a patient, not getting into any college I want to go to

Had you smoked a cigarette?
Then: no.
Now: no.

You been arrested?
Then: No
Now: No

Had your heart broken?
Then: no
Now: yes

Single/Taken/Married/Divorced/Bitter?
Then: single
Now: single/bitter